Continued: I apologize if I said too much. I just really want someone to know although I’m not quite sure if I can tell any close friends. :-/
I’m sorry I misunderstood your message. You didn’t say too much. I’m glad you feel able to tell me - I know that things become even more difficult when you can’t tell anyone at all. From my experiences, I think it’s very, very important to tell someone about what you’re going through. It helps you to cope, and it allows someone else to help you. I hope you can tell someone about what happened to you, and how you’ve been feeling.
Recovery isn’t suddenly realizing that
you’re killing yourself
and deciding not to do it anymore. It isn’t
opening the refrigerator door one day and knowing
exactly what to eat
and how much of it
and not feeling guilty because you know you’re getting better.
It isn’t erasing the pain from your mind
or suddenly loving your body because you’ve realized
it’s the only one you’ve got.
It isn’t deciding one day to replace your old behaviors
with new ones
because you’re tired of them. It isn’t
seeing that your friends and family are unhappy
or worried
or scared
and deciding to change for them.
It isn’t eating when you’re hungry
and stopping when you’re full
because you’re not listening to your eating disorder anymore.
It isn’t a straight shot.
It isn’t quick.
It isn’t easy.
It’s a relief to hear from you again. You must be struggling with so much, and I know it must be hard to get through each day. You have so much strength.
If you have good friends, talking to them can be really helpful. If it’s too hard to tell them face-to-face, you could write them a letter. Sometimes it can be a relief just to know that there’s someone there supporting you who really cares about you. Is there any way you could talk to a professional too? Schools have counselors available, and if you’re in college, some have support groups too. I know it can feel shameful to be dealing with a mental disorder, but from personal experience, the longer you keep it a secret, the more that feeling of shame will grow. This is not your fault. You cannot control how you feel, you can only control how you react to it. You have reacted with courage and strength, and you’ve gotten through so many difficult days. That’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of.
I think I’ve answered them all now. Sorry I was MIA from tumblr for a while. I’ll go through my messages today or tomorrow and double check to make sure that I didn’t miss yours.
Hope you’re okay <3 Message me any time.
off what I’ve ate. I hate my body. I cry when I try on shorts and wearing a bathing suit I feel horrible in it. I put a picture on Instagram last week after working out to show my stomach and muscles. Not a lot liked it. I kept it on there, but I realized it was a bad idea now. I haven’t wore shorts in 6 years. I hate my body so much. I want to be that girl who has an incredible body. I’m never going to be that. I’ve the ugliest legs that look like mountains. They’re never going to be pretty.
Honestly, I don’t know that much about allergies - I know that sometimes you can grow out of them, but you should probably ask your doctor about why these foods no longer create the same reaction.
It’s easy to go back to old habits - the urge to binge eat or emotionally overeat may be there for a while, but the longer you continue to fight this urge, and find new ways of coping with your feelings, the more this urge will recede.
However, you not only have to fight the urge to binge and emotionally overeat, you also have to fight the urge to deal with your emotions in other unhealthy ways -like excessive exercise, excessive focus on body image, etc. In order for these urges to go away, you have to make a concerted effort to focus on the real issues, and to understand what it is that’s truly bothering you. No matter how much you exercise, how small you get, how little you eat, you will still feel this way because your body is not the problem. In order to feel better, you have to understand and deal with the real problem.
Exercise when it feels good. Stop looking at the numbers. Exercise in a way that’s fun. Exercise is not an obligation. If you don’t want to exercise for a while, that’s okay, especially since you’ve been pushing your body way too far recently with exercise. From the way you write about exercise, I can tell you currently a) hate it, b) feel obligated to, and c) judge your exercise by the numbers rather than by how it makes you feel.
Beneath that hatred for your body there are much bigger issues. Work on accepting your body, yourself, your emotions. Take the focus away from your body, and start focusing on what’s going on in your life and in your mind.
You are so much more than a body. You want to be the girl who has the incredible body? Think of how many other things you have to offer. You can be the girl who is so much more than her body. You can be the girl with confidence, the girl who is compassionate or intelligent or unique or kind or insightful. Any of those things are infinitely more valuable than the girl with the incredible body.
Maybe your body will never fit society’s standard of what a “perfect” body looks like. Most of us never would. So maybe you’ll never be that. That’s okay. You’ll be so much more than a perfect body. You are so much more than what you look like.
I’m so sorry I only just saw this message. I would have responded sooner had I seen it. I’m so glad to hear you’re alive.
Is there anyone you can reach out to - a parent, family member, friend, someone at school, anyone?
Whatever it is that keeps you from ending it, keep holding onto that. No matter how bad things are, they can get better.
Message me any time. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with so much right now.
the theory that people
are always searching for
their other half is
bullshit.
don’t let anyone, not
even a god, tell you
you are anything less
than whole.
